He had been working really long hours all week, leaving the house before I even rolled out of bed and getting home late. Even after he got home, he’d have to study more, and this went on for days on end. I was trying to be the supportive wife, but definitely was no longer feeling connected at all. One little remark from him about something so insignificant threw me right over the edge and I responded in a totally cocky and disrespectful way. We both paused and looked at each other thinking “this just isn’t us”. What happened? I wasn’t feeling loved, so was quick to act in a disrespectful way….
For today’s marriage tip, I’d like to share about a book that is called “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. If you are engaged, I suggest that you and your fiance start reading this together ASAP! Or of course at any stage, it will be helpful, but I say the earlier on in your marriage, the better.
Angel and I were fortunate enough as newlyweds to be a part of a small group in our church that would discuss a chapter of this book each week. The premise is this: women need love, men need respect. Interestingly enough, respect is actually men’s love language, more than lovey-dovey stuff that we women need. It’s natual for each partner to think that what they need is also what their spouse must need, makes sense, right? Well, yes, and to some degree it can be true, but typically women crave the more romantic lovey dovey type of love and – I’d hate to break it to you ladies – but guys just don’t in the same way we do. Sure, they may enjoy it, but what they crave is to feel respected by you. So typically what happens when women are not feeling loved is that they will be disrespectful. When men are not feeling respected by their wives, they will not be as loving and on and on this hurtful cycle goes. If you are a wife who is feeling very loved, you will naturally be more respectful and, in turn, you will get back more and more love. And everybody will be happy campers!
This book has helped stop so many arguments in my marriage that could have blown up more. Oftentimes, when I do or say something disrespectful, Angel will humbly ask “have I been unloving?” Then we both kind of have this light bulb experience where we realize what’s happening and it’s so much easier to kiss and make up much faster! My recommendation for you is this – ask your fiance or spouse what makes them feel respected and what things/tones of voices make them feel disrespected. You might be surprised! There were some very simple things I would do or say that came across as disrespectful to Angel that I wasn’t even meaning to be! But now that I know, I try hard to make sure in everything I do I am coming across in a respectful way and trust me, I get the love that I crave back tenfold 😉
Do your future marriage a favor and invest some time in to reading this book. Your marriage is so special and important, take the time to do anything and everything you can do to make it as great as it can be!
P.S. Did you like this post? You can read last week’s Monday Marriage Tip HERE!